Enveloped in the warm embrace of a dupatta, suit-clad expat Indre S navigates the slight pre-Deepavali nip in the air and Chandigarh’s social scenes with equal ease at a festive, Indian-attire-themed kitty party early October. For her, this is yet another opportunity to study the diverse, colourful weaves of India’s socio-cultural fabric. It has been two years since she became the member of this kitty party group comprising 10 women, all from her neighbourhood and between the age group of 35 and 60. “Initially, I wondered if kitty party had anything to do with ‘Hello, Kitty’ Kawaii cult! Now that I am well-adjusted in this group, I have come to understand kitty parties as informal social groups where norms can vary, long-lasting female friendships can be fostered and, a foreigner like me can learn a lot about India and its people. This group is like my second family of sisters, mothers and aunts that I miss being so far away from home,” says Indre, a 43-year-old Lithuanian homemaker married in India for over 10 years.
She says that her kitty group does not follow the standard protocol — that of paying a nominal subscription fee. “The idea,” she informs, “is to meet once a month over a lunch, play games like tambola, share different experiences (for example, recent trips) and talk about everything under the sun, from new restaurants and shops in town to politics”.
Ideally, a kitty party is an informal savings club that traces its roots to North India. Believed to have originated in the early 1950s, soon after the Partition, kitty parties became way of life for women who wanted to step out of their homes, socialise with other women, and make money while they were at it. Typically, all members of the kitty are expected to shell out a certain sum of money as a subscription fee. By a draw of lots, one of the members is chosen at every kitty party to whom all members pay the next kitty’s fee and in turn the chosen member hosts them for a lunch or dinner.
53-year-old Simmi Chhabra (centre)
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From Delhi, 53-year-old Simmi Chhabra says that she has been part of Delhi’s kitty party circuit for 23 years and is associated with two kitty groups at present. As a make-up artiste and esthetician, she believes kitty parties have been a fertile ground for most businesspersons like her to push their brands. “I have one kitty group comprising all female entrepreneurs, which I have been part of since 2008. The other group consists of homemakers. In the world of advertising, word of mouth is considered to be most effective and that is exactly how a brand’s reputation travels in social circles; kitty party groups act as catalysts there. Not only do I get to associate with other entrepreneurs, but I also get to meet my potential clients. Everyone supports everyone in the group,” she smiles.
Simmi reminds me of the an episode from Indian web series Gullak, where the lady of the house, Shanti Mishra, addresses her kitty party as a committee and just when she chances upon the opportunity to amass the lump sum, all set to host her kitty mates, a bout of high blood pressure puts her on bed rest.
Taking sympathy on his wife, her husband offers to cook, clean and entertain the guests. Her sons chip in too. Once the party is over, the men of the house contemplate the fate of the lump sum. Just then, the doorbell rings. The delivery man brings home a mixer-grinder, which Shanti, who wanted an upgrade from the sil-batta because of her aching joints, had ordered. When the men in the house question her shopping, she asserts her freedom, her financial agency over the money she “earned” at the committee.
When I narrate this story to Sakshi, who owns bridal showrooms and is a pet mom, in Chandigarh, she laughs. “At our kitty, we all chip in at dinner and the chosen host gets to keep the lump sum. Kitty allows women to spend money according to their wish — be it on luxury bags, fixed deposits, jewellery, home, or a gift. This is our money; so, we have financial agency and there’s a certain level of satisfaction.”
Sakshi
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Unlike the scene in Gullak, kitty parties have outgrown the at-home lunches and are now expanding to restaurants and upscale cafes. “The idea is to have a good time, hassle-free, without the tension of cooking. The 90s trend, when parties were hosted at homes, is gone now. Also, a lot of men have started to join in for couple kitties,” says Simmi.
Kitty parties continue to reinvent with the changing tides of time. Their functionality swings between serving financial safety and fostering strong bonds. A lot of it is also to do with travelling together. “In 2023, after five years of saving all our lump sum, my kitty members put that money into travelling to all the dhaams in the country,” says Chandigarh-based Shobha Chhabra, 68. She, with her kitty members, is now gunning for a once-a-year travel goal. “We all pitch in ₹5,000 every month, so the idea is to save enough for a trip to one of the temples in the hills next year,” she says.
For Shobha, who lost her husband over a decade ago, kitty parties are also about emotional health and connecting with women of different ages. “I live with my daughter, who runs her own business, and I don’t want to rest my emotional health entirely on her. So, I have my set of friends. Tomorrow when she is married, I will have my friends to share the void of her absence with,” she hopes.
(Centre) Wanitha Ashok, 58, fitness professional, a motivational speaker and columnist
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Like Shobha, Wanitha Ashok, 58, fitness professional, a motivational speaker and columnist, based in Bengaluru, too feels the need be part of kitty parties to socialise; for mental health and building support systems. She has been part of the city’s kitty party circuit for over 35 years. “I am in two ladies kitty groups; one has 35 members and the other has 10. I am part of two couple kitties, with my husband, and that has some 30-50 members. The oldest group I am part of is 35 years old and we grew up as together, as humans, mothers and stuff. So, there’s a lot of history and we can count on each other,” she says.
With the male gaze casting its long shadow on the idea of kitty parties, they stand eclipsed by the stereotype of scoff-worthy, gossip-manufacturing factories. But as one unfurls the layers of misunderstandings and bad reputation that inflict kitty parties, one stands acquainted with the fiercely ingenuous mechanism of financial agency designed by women and an intricate web of co-existence and emotional, and mental support systems that are as underestimated as the iceberg that hit Titanic.
Published – November 07, 2025 04:55 pm IST